gimme a dollar
gimme a dollar
Arco gas station
or is it a Chevron
why are you here
you have no car
gimme a dollar
gimme a dollar
87 octane
three-fifty today
can’t give you a dollar
can’t give you a dollar
Latina chica
I hope she likes me
she walks over
looks in my eyes
gimme a dollar
gimme a dollar
Dec
13
Dec
7
My name is Octavian, and I just quit my job as a technical writer for a technology firm. I had to. I had no choice. I spent two months deliberating whether to resign or not, and finally I could take no more. I inked my two-week notice. Yippie!
The main reason I needed this job to end is because my boss is a penis.
When I say penis, I don’t mean a well-hung, sparkly penis with a shiny, Mr. Clean helmet dangling like a brand new, upside down, jumbo-sized Pez dispenser. I mean a scraggly, shriveled, crackly, wart-covered penis, with tufts of dandruffy hair waving like geriatric pompoms from the perimeter…the kind of penis that hopes to finally see the world each time it is briefly let out of its crusty zipper before being wadded up into a doughy ball and shoved back into its damp, tightey-whitey home.
During the past few months, many friends have told me that I should quit my job even though I didn’t have another lined up, but I tried to stick it out anyway. My father even said I should quit, and that says something! My father is the kind of guy who would threaten to kill his own child if that child quit a job without having landed another one first.
Man, I could tell my father that I was being ASS RAPED at work and he would tell me not to quit. I could call him from work and scream, “Dad…they’re raping me…..and I’m bleeding…out of my ASS…” and he would say something like, “Well just take a handkerchief and apply some pressure, boy! It’ll stop! Just don’t go quitting that job…not until you find another one….”
Yeah, that same father told me I should quit.
Yes I could tell you all of the boring, austere, meticulous details of why in fact my boss is a penis rather than describing the type of penis that he is, but why? That’s no fun! Just infer that he is the type of ugly penis as described above, from head to toe, on all levels.
And ladies, I know what you are thinking…Octavian must be gay…he describes penises with such aptitude and grace…..his angelic depictions of “mushrooms of the flesh” are so astute that he must know a thing or two about these “baguettes of love….”
I say this with complete love and respect to all of my gay brothers and sisters across the world tuning into Planet Octavian…it’s absolutely not true ladies! Octavian is AVAILABLE TO YOU! And he’s HUNKY!
…but if you are out there and you are a penis, I’m going to have to CALL YOU OUT!